All My Magi
by Mullet-Revolution
Summary: Dragonlance: The Soap Opera. In the small town of Solace the drama unfolds with the cast in unsuspecting roles...! Based on plenty of cliches and such, another parody with plenty of drama (swoons) and laughs.


Tis us, MaboroshiTsuki and Ironi Numair (under Mullet-Revolution, of course), back from the horrible college quarter from HELL!!!!! Enjoy!

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All My Magi!

The scene opens in the 'Inn of the Last Home', aka 'The Restaurant' or the center of their universe. The door opens with a friendly jingling of the bells. In walks a man in his late twenties, a gray business suit hangs wearily on his tired form, a HUGE mustache (a sign of a lawyer of Solomnia, one town over) hangs and inch below his chin.

The lawyer sits down at the table and takes a menu, his eyes occasionally looking up towards the door expectantly. 

"Why Sturm, fancy seeing you here! We haven't seen you in such a long time!"

Looking up Sturm saw Tika, the bar-maid turned restaurant manager. With a curt nod he continued reading the menu, ignoring her.

"So what will you be having Sturm?"

"Umm… the number three, packages of ketchup and a light salad on the side," he replied folding the menu and looking back up at Tika. Taking out a pad of paper she scribbled it down without looking while staring at the lawyer.

"You look as though you are waiting for someone?" inquired Tika sitting down at the table and folding her legs.

"I'm waiting for that quack of a doctor, Dr. Raistlin Majere," grumbled Sturm taking a sip of his water.

"I thought he was just a medical school student…" 

Sturm chocked and spat water on the table. Straightening his moustache he looked at Tika with wide eyes. "Are you sure about that?"

"Of course I'm sure, silly!" giggled Tika waving her hand about dismissingly. "I dated his brother! Why? What's the problem?'

"I am suppose to represent him… he killed someone on the operating table…"

DUN.

The camera zooms in to get the thoughtful/dramatic faces of Sturm and Tika, both deep in thought.

(cue dramatic music, change scene)

On the other side of Solace, the BAD side, at the old abandoned stables, a tall, long-haired man sat behind a dark desk, smoking a Cuban cigar. Snuffing the cigar on his desk, he snapped his fingers and a beautiful woman with gold and silver hair came and sat on his lap.

The door boomed open and a large shadow enveloped the room. As the figure strut into the room, the shadow slowly began to get smaller and clearer. The stranger, about three feet in height with a bouncing topknot, skipped forward, swinging a decapitated head gaily in his hand.

"Good morning Riverwind! Sorry I'm late but you wouldn't believe what I saw today! First there was the big yellow truck and there was ice cream and then people started staring at me and screaming and it was just wonderful!"

"Not surprising, considering you're carrying someone's head." Riverwind replied flatly, Goldmoon nibbling on his ear and making purring sounds.

"Oh yeah! I forgot!" Tasslehoff Burrfoot grinned, swinging the head about once more, splattering blood, "Here's the head of that guy you wanted." The head's features were twisted in the hideous look of fear and agony a man feels as Death grips his heart. 

"Excellent job my favorite thief."

"I'm not a thief!" Tasslehoff exclaimed loudly, insulted.

"Of course not," Riverwind sighed, taking the head and handing it to Goldmoon to deal with, "you 'borrowed' it."

"Precisely!" the kender smiled, "Well, I'll be seeing you Riverwind, bye bye!" With that, Tasslehoff turned and skipped back out of the stables, wiping the blood off his hands onto his blue pants.

"Why do you use him, he's a Kender!" Goldmoon asked, raising her eyebrows as she dumped the head into the garbage can.

"Quiet wench!" Riverwind hissed, raising his hand in warning, "he's my best hitman."

(cue thoughtful music, change scene)

The door opens to a quant tree-house and in walks a tired looking half-bred. With a heavy sigh he sits down on the couch, massaging his forehead as he leaned his head back against the back of the chair (that was brilliant). 

The door slammed open under rough hands as Flint Fireforge strolled into the room. His brows furrowed as he laid his eyes upon his roommate, the picture of utter suffering.

"What's wrong Tanis my lad?" inquired the dwarf, his police badge shining in the stage lights. 

"Fluffy." Tanis sobbed, burying his face in his hands.

"What about that damn cat?"

"Routine check-up…"

"There's no vet in town…?" Flint pondered, scratching his beard.

"I know, so I thought I would just let…Raistlin do it…" he ended with a grumble. Getting to his feet, Tanis stared out the window, sorrow reflecting in his eyes. "You would think I would have learned after my daughter's nose operation…" 

"What ever happened to dear little Saint?" Flint asked, his big brows etched in concern. He had loved Tanis' daughter as much as his own.

"Nothing left but her hair when that…that…quack was done with her!" Tanis shouted, slamming his fist into the wall so hard that the vallenwood shook. "I swear on Saint and Fluffy's graves I'll sue him for everything he has!"

"If you think that's bad," commented Flint, pouring himself a cocktail mysteriously across the room, "that damn thief killed another man last night."

"Who? And what thief?" Tanis questioned, calming himself.

"Guard Q. His head popped right off as though he were a cheap child's doll. That damned Tasslehoff Burrfoot, Riverwind's best hitman!"

"Why don't you and your men go arrest Riverwind? You _know_ he's the head of the Solace Mafia around here."

"We don't have any solid proof of that, lad," grumbled Flint, his eyes growing hard with determination, "But mark my words, Justice is swift. I will catch that kender if it's the last thing I do!"

(DUN)

(Cue mysterious music. change scene) 

Caramon Majere lay back on the worn velveteen couch scratching his crotch as he watched random infomercials. Tearing open another bag of potato chips, he continued to eat merrily, humming the infomercial tunes to himself.

A scraping sound and random cursing rasped outside the door until it was kicked open. With a flourish of colorful adjectives, Raistlin tripped over Caramon's crap strewn about the floor.

"Good morning Raist!" Caramon called out cheerfully, not moving.

"It's night." Raistlin sighed from the floor.

"Is it?" Caramon cocked his head sideways, glancing out the dark windows. "So it is!"

"Brother, I don't want to know why your underwear is out here," Raistlin hissed, sitting up, "but put it away and _get a job!_"

"Oh Raist, you know I'm no good at keeping a job. The government's out to get me."

"Maybe if you would pay your taxes and stop harassing the women employees, you wouldn't have that problem," Raistlin seethed, throwing the underwear in his twin's face and marching toward the bedroom.

"Oh," Caramon called after him, "Several people called for you. They expect you at court tomorrow, and something about your lawyer not representing you or something…?"

"Gods curse it!"

"What'd you do this time? Did you kill another person?" Caramon said in an accusing whisper.

"……no…course not…" 

(cue dramatic music, thoughtful expression on Caramon's face.)

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25/3/03: You thought you had escaped us, didn't you? Alas, finally this college quarter is over and we're back with a new story! *cackles*   
Um… so, obviously this is based on Soap Operas. We decided to post what we had and let you guys ponder what we will do with the other characters, cause, frankly, we forgot (and lost the notes, single tear). This is just the introduction, soon, the true drama will appear!!! *cough* Remember kids: In Soap Operas, NO ONE can be happy! *winks*

Disclaimer: We do not own Dragonlance or Soap Operas (however, enjoy making fun of soap operas. :p)


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